I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
