dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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