a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
