I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
