just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
