Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
