i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
