Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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