proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
