4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
