Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
