I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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