During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
