So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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