i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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