He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
