friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
