And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
