I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
