Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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