I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
it glows. i had to have it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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