Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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