Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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