Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
