Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
