She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
