just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
