FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
barbara walters just said penis...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
