so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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