Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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