If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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