Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
