I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
