Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
