I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
