the new term for farting is butt boxing.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
