Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
