Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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