now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
