If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
