You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
