I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
