Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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