I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
