we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
