I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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