Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
