Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
