I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
