we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
