After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Randomize
